The Audi A7 L Is A Car That No One Asked For

Audi have done some really stupid things in the past. They’ve made some of the most unreliable cars on the face of the planet (ahem, Audi Allroad), they’ve made Americans wait 25 long years to get a proper performance wagon from them (ahem, RS2 and RS6), and when they were tasked with making a car that competes with cars like the Mercedes-Maybach S550, not only did they not put a big engine in it, they made it only for the Chinese.

On that note, I’d like to introduce you to the A7 L – a car that could possibly be the single stupidest thing that Audi have ever created. Thankfully, it’s reserved for the Chinese market, and more importantly, there’s only going to be a 1,000 of them made. This also means that this car is rarer than even a Ferrari F40, and more importantly, you can’t buy one.

But Wait. What Is The A7 L?

I need to choose my words very carefully, so as to describe this car in a manner that does not make my blood boil. Now, with that aside, let’s get started. This is an Audi A7 with three extra inches added, for more legroom, and apart from that, it’s pretty much standard. It’s powered by a very respectable four-banger that makes about 200-ish horsepower, or a three-liter six cylinder engine that produces around 335 horsepower and 500 newtonmeters of torque. Both these engine options are offered as hybrids. Which is a good thing, because this car can do 0-100 kilometers an hour in 5.6 seconds. And to those who say that this is a rather yawn-inducing 0-60, I’m one of those people who thinks that any car that can hit 100 kilometers an hour in 6.5 seconds or less, is fast enough for the motorway – which this car is.

And that’s pretty much the only good thing about this car. Well, that, and its rarity, obviously.

So, Tell Me. Why Do You Hate It So Much?

Well, in Audi’s lineup, most cars that you can possibly get has a sportback version. The A3 has the A5, the A6 has the A7, and the A8 is….well, the A8. Realistically though, I doubt people would need an A8 Sportback, and the closest you can possibly get to an A8 Sportback at this point is the Q8, but that’s an SUV. Anyway, with that brief introduction aside, the only tiny bit of context that you need to understand why this car is so stupid and useless is because the A7 is, for all intents and purposes, a less practical and more sporty version of the A6, which is Audi’s mid-range executive saloon. If you want practicality, power, and prestige, then you choose the A6. But if you want to look cool, and have a coupé-esque grand tourer, then the A7 is the one you want.

That’s also where the whole pointlessness of the A7 L comes in. You see, instead of doing the sensible thing, which is trying to turn the A8 into a limited-run coupé, the A7 L is an A7, but in sedan form.

But wait. That’s the A6. What the hell are you on about, Pranav?

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See that thing on the image above? It’s called a boot. And it definitely does say A7 L on it.

….exactly!

Audi had no real reason to make this car. I totally understand a long-wheelbase A6, because that’s for people who want something with a little more room, but can’t quite afford an A8. But the A7 as a long-wheelbase car? I mean, that would have been fine if it was an A8 Sportback, but like I’ve said earlier, that’s not the case here. Why? Because the only thing they’ve done is they’ve taken the standard A7, retained the coupé/grand tourer-esque roofline, and added a boot to this car. You know what else in the Audi lineup has a boot, more space, and a similar price? The A6!

Let’s face it. The only reason you’d choose this car over an A6 L is the rarity, and the subtle flex that comes with it, because that’s all this car has going for it. And then there are the looks.

To me, the A7, or its performance iterations, aren’t “Madhuri Dixit” pretty, or “Marilyn Monroe” pretty. It’s more “Deepika Padukone” pretty, or “Camilla Cabello” pretty. Adding a boot to this car makes this go from being as gorgeous as Deepika Padukone and Camilla Cabello to having the looks and demeanor of Rakhi Sawant and Amber Heard – both of whom at this point are pretty much begging to tell the world that they exist. And nobody wants to stoop down to that level.

Of course, I am being satirical here, because this isn’t as ugly as some of Audi’s other offerings. However, the visual proportions in combination with that A7 badge on the back just make this car look so off to the point where I couldn’t help but comment about it. Then again, this car is catered to people who have more money than taste, so it might as well look like it is catered to that audience.

Honestly, just save your money and buy a VW Virtus/Arteon, or whatever. Not like you’ll be able to get your hands on this…oddity, anyway. Not at least for the next 15-25 years.

Which is fine, but you my friend, are looking at this car the wrong way.

And in some ways, you’re correct. From time to time, carmakers create cars that are so pointless to the point where we just laugh at it, all while forgetting that they have actually listened to followers of their brand, enthusiasts and otherwise. I’d even argue by saying that this car’s rarity and peculiarity might make it a future collectible among enthusiasts – a phenomenon that was proved time and time again by cars like the Chevrolet SS-R and the BMW Isetta.

Unfortunately, we live in something called the present. Which means I’ll get back to laughing at the existence of this car, and be grateful that Audi China no longer features this car on their website, thanks. But I guess that’s enough of your friendly-neighbourhood idiot-of-the-internet’s car rambling for today. Is the A7 L your cup of tea? Feel free to comment your thoughts below!