Alfa Romeo Stelvio review (2022) – The sexiest SUV
Will you fall in love with it?
I dreamt that Alfa Romeo had returned to success, that the sales figures were just a bunch of hogwash, a meticulously crafted masquerade, a cleverly disguised fake news. Unfortunately, picking off dreams one by one was not enough to hide the bitter truth: Alfa Romeo is sick nowadays. While waiting for the arrival of the antidote proscribed by Stellantis, my curiosity led me to play the apprentice doctor with the Stelvio. Let’s take a closer look at this patented lover in order to detect the symptoms that led to such a fate.
If Dom Juan were an SUV…
Heavy sky, chilly breeze and ballet of dead leaves. There’s no denying it, it smells like autumn – and I hate it – at the Fiat press fleet. However, in the most unlikely event, this after-season picture will be overtaken by an irresistible Italian scent. Yes, there it is, it’s it. All red, all clean, all beautiful, the Stelvio is waiting for me. “Beautiful? Haha, forgive me, what a vulgar euphemism! As Alfa Romeo requires, the Stelvio is first and foremost harmonious shapes, racy lines and fascinating volumes. The long, sculpted bonnet, the elegant 20-inch wheels and the coupé-like stern certainly create a dream body. The yellow brake callipers, the specific rocker panels, the carbon mirror caps (plated, don’t be fooled) and the generous exhaust pipes add a touch of sportiness in their own way. And what about that lovely three-layer Competizione Red! Its depth, its strength, its power… My eyes sparkle and I could drown in it! The Stelvio is a superb piece of Italy and is without doubt one of the most beautiful SUVs on the market. I could honestly gaze at it for hours. Gosh, what a design.
“Look, a speedometer that actually looks like a speedometer!”
When you get into the Stelvio, something strange happens: the cluster has physical dials, the infotainment system doesn’t look like a flat screen, the centre console is full of knobs and the gearstick lever looks like a…gearstick lever. Yep, no convoluted staging or Hollywood special effects to the point of indigestion. Good news because screens with overly complex menus were and still are synonymous in my brain with a scene as traumatic as the shower in Psycho. Having to set up the car for ten minutes before setting off is the second most irritating thing ever, the first being the cream of milk fatally falling into my mug [grrrrr]. So, no headaches here, the Stelvio is simple to understand at first sight and this is becoming rare. Also, the quality of the trim is alright as the dashboard is covered in leather, as are the seats with black Alcantara and red stitching. The seats are electrically adjustable and heated but do not offer massage nor ventilation. The consolation prize is the small Alfa Romeo logo embroidered in the headrests. Classy. The “cuore sportivo” dear to the brand is recalled here and there by carbon inserts present without excess while the assemblies are very decent. The space offered to the passengers is good in the front, a little less so in the rear. The black roof lining and the small windows reinforce this feeling of confinement – oh no, please, don’t talk to me about that again! – This is fortunately counterbalanced by the panoramic sunroof. 525 litres of boot space? Fair enough for a 4.69m car.
Commedia dell’arte
The Stelvio is a pure-blooded Italian carefully assembled in Milan, so spoiler: there are a succession of succulent unsolved mysteries. The shift paddles, for example, are far too large and interfere with your fingers when you want to operate the turn signals. The controls that disable the parking sensors and the Stop&Start have a white light. As a result, it is not clear whether these devices are active or not. To find out, it’s best to test with the Stop&Start and not with the beepers that help you park. In addition to the driver, the front passenger can also lock the vehicle doors. Sometimes the handbrake doesn’t disengage automatically. I am positively sure of this: Italians love surprises. And I like that, that little bit of madness that the others don’t have. Anyway, the infotainment system is correct but its functionality is limited. The reactivity and graphics of its interface aren’t great on a vehicle of this standing. Fortunately, its ergonomics are simplified thanks to the touchscreen and the rotary dial. The sound system? It’s a Harman Kardon, so it’s good. And when you’re driving, it’s even better because the Stelvio is heroic. Avanti!
“The Stelvio is surprisingly nimble!”
Top 4 preconceived beliefs about Alfa Romeo in my brain: firstly, an Alfa is beautiful. Secondly, an Alfa is old-school. Thirdly, an Alfa is sporty. Fourthly, an Alfa is uncomfortable. While the first three points apply strictly to the Stelvio, the fourth is a vile intellectual shortcut. The Italian SUV is surprisingly comfortable on the road. On big irregularities, when the dampers are in “soft” mode, the stops even arrive quickly at the end of their travel, which generates undesirable bouncing effects especially at the rear. But overall, the Stelvio is a comfy car, something that really surprised me. This is all the more shocking as the handling is very good and the steering precision really remarkable. The difference between the d-mode [which stands for sport, logic] and the a-mode [which stands for eco, logic bis] is obvious. If the car is completely apathetic in a, it is, on the other hand, extremely reactive in d. The 2.2D 210 allows good acceleration and the 8-speed gearbox makes good use of the 470 Nm of torque. The Q4 all-wheel drive system is also reassuring on greasy surfaces. The overall fuel consumption is not subject to criticism with 5.6l/100 km over a distance of 2,000 km. Wind and road noise filtration is also good thanks to the laminated glass. On the other hand, the sound of the diesel engine is quite intrusive when cold.
Prices are clearly premium
The Alfa Romeo 2.2D 210 Q4 Veloce Ti requires a starting price of €67,300. With its few options, our test model pushes the final price to €70,650, a rather high bill that is accompanied by a decent level of equipment: bi-xenon headlights, heated seats and steering wheel, leather/Alcantara upholstery, level 2 semi-autonomous driving, back-up camera, panoramic sunroof, powered tailgate, blind spot monitoring, etc. The BMW X3 xDrive20d M Sport (€64,100, 190 PS) offers a higher quality interior at a lower price. The Jaguar F-Pace R-Dynamic SE (€72,740, 204 PS) features more equipment. Finally, the Mercedes GLC 220d 4Matic AMG Line (€65,500, 220 PS) will undoubtedly be the most fearsome competitor with infinitely more modern technology at a lower price. Fortunately, the Stelvio has been facelifted very recently. It will have a new look with its Matrix LED headlights and a more modern interior with a digital instrument cluster taken from the Tonale. It’s not certain that this will help to reverse the trend against competitors who are doing their utmost to attract increasingly demanding customers. Let’s wait for a new generation under the Stellantis era.
Bella ciao!
Strengths
- Striking styling
- Sharp handling
- Good fuel economy
Weaknesses
- Noisy engine
- Technological content not as good as it should be
- Fairly high price
